A tribute to my friend

Today an incredible man was laid to rest and the world is all the poorer for the loss of such a wonderful human being.

Ross Chernin was the clinical psychologist who first introduced me to ACT. He also wrote the ACT course I currently teach and I had the pleasure of teaching alongside him over 2 years.

He was a great proponent of ACT - not only using it in his work, teaching it to other professionals and bringing it to The Recovery College but also using it in his own life. He very much embodied the ACT philosophy in his everyday life and swore by how much it helped him personally.

Though I can never say for sure and as melodramatic though it may sound, the way my life was going before I met him, I suspect he may well have saved my life. I hate the irony of that - someone who so very much deserved a rich, fulfilling and long life saving the life of someone who desperately wanted to lose her own.

He was such a patient teacher - he spent hours going over every detail of the slides and exercises I was going to present in ACT on Life until I felt confident with the material and he always welcomed any ideas for changes and improvements. He saw in me an aptitude for ACT and helped me to make it flourish. He always believed in me even when I was so full of doubts. He gently encouraged me to push my boundaries but assured me he was always there to support me if I got stuck. He was always full of praise for my efforts even when I felt I had done poorly.

There was a wonderful cadence to his voice when he guided a mindfulness exercise, so much so that he would frequently warn the class about his soporific voice before starting. Every time he acted out the tug-of-war metaphor with a volunteer from the class it was so powerful that it never failed to bring a tear to my eye. But when I told him how good the metaphor was he would always be surprised and downplay it. I don't think he truly knew how great he was at what he did. His skill at using and teaching ACT was superb but he was far too modest and humble to ever realise it.

His enthusiasm for ACT and for life were infectious and I couldn't help feeling more positive in my outlook after each time I taught alongside him. He truly lead by example, using all the techniques he taught in his own life. I had a huge amount of respect for him and his profession.

When someone passes away it is natural for us to try and deify them, focusing on all the good they did and ignoring any bad, but even before his death I idolised him - he did so much to help others while being so open about his own struggles. He was so human, with the various faults and weaknesses that come from being human but he acknowledged them and was open about them and was always striving to improve himself.

I saw first hand how he helped so many people with a variety of mental health conditions, but these were just a handful of the lives he must have touched in his work. He had so much more to give to the world and it is so tragic and unfair that his life has ended at such a young age. Even in his final weeks he was planning to come back to work for short periods because his vocation was clearly a very important value to him and despite all the horrible symptoms he must have been experiencing he still wanted to carry on helping others. Many lesser people would have shut down and given up under those circumstances but through all that he still held on to his values and fully embraced the ACT ethos.

Ross, I hope you knew what a profound effect you had on my life and how dearly I will miss you. I was so very lucky to have known you and will never forget you. Rest in peace my friend.

If you would like to make a donation to The Brain Tumour Charity on Ross' behalf and for all those still battling this terrible illness then please follow this link to the JustGiving page set up in his memory. Make a donation.

Holly - 17 Oct 2016 - https://keepinguptheact.blogspot.com/2016/10/a-tribute-to-my-friend.html

A year on.....

It is now a year later since we lost dear Ross, and it really doesn't get any easier. If anything the loss just gets more apparent so I wanted to share another memory.

Ross had an amazing throwing arm from a little kid. It meant he was a great cricketer growing up and I have some good memories going back to South Africa before we emigrated to the UK. One of those was on holiday in SA (after we left) staying across the house across the street from where we used to live and playing in this extremely long back garden. Ross would be at the furthest point at the bottom of the garden and throw tennis balls (I think they were) as far as he could up the garden. They would fly a long way and I remember as a kid being amazed that they were so much further than anything I could throw, almost like a super-kid had thrown them. I would usually be competitive and not like losing but this was a rare time I just was amazed and realized this was pure talent, and appreciated it.

Unfortunately I don't have any footage of his throwing so have included Ross' mad footy skills: